I was at the CNE when I heard a mom saying “you do not wear nail polish.” I didn’t think much of it, maybe they were too young, though their tone was harsher than I thought necessary for the situation but I’m conscious to not “parent-shame” (even if I only have fur babies myself right now). When I kept walking though I saw a young boy on the ground using a napkin to rub nail polish off his fingers.
He was asking “why?”, saying he “liked it,” and just seemed confused – there was no worry in his mind about defending his “masculinity.”
The mom kept saying “nail polish is NOT for boys,” and “when we get home you’ll clean the rest of the mess up!”
I debated saying anything, but I couldn’t stand there and not say something. This isn’t about different parenting styles – this is about being a decent human being, supporting your child no matter how they express themselves, and loving them throughout.
I was right next to them so I really do hope the boy heard me….
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Me: “Boys can wear nail polish too.”
Mom: “I don’t want my son wearing it.”
And she preceded to immediately start walking away.
Me: “There’s nothing wrong with it.”
Mom: “He’s not your son.” She said as they walked past me
Me: “It’s alright bud” again hoping he heard me as I tried to let him know there was NOTHING wrong with him and that he did NOTHING wrong.
Mom: She was angrier now and said again over her shoulder “he’s not your kid!”
Me: “I’m also not sexist.”
The cashier working nearby saw the whole thing and we briefly made eye contact after, so even if that boy didn’t hear a word I said, hopefully the cashier at least will remember and will make her think, along with anyone else who may have overheard the interaction.
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This isn’t a question about “what if they come out as LGBTQ+?” Though if that young boy does identify as LGBTQ+ or decides that in the future, there’s nothing wrong with that, same as if he’s straight.
But my question is “why can’t a young boy explore his creativity and express himself how he chooses?” Same for young girls, but we know most people are fine when young girls partake in “boy things” but many of those same people lose it when a boy partakes in “girl things.”
I can understand not wanting your child to be bullied by others for being different – I’ve heard this sentiment from parents when their child comes out to them – but shaming your child for expressing themselves isn’t stopping that, it’s just making you the bully!!
If bullying is your concern, have a conversation with your kid about it, and this can be done appropriately whether they’re in preschool or high school. Most importantly, make sure they know you support them and that there is nothing wrong with what they’re doing.
Talk to them about how there are people in this world though who don’t understand that – and unfortunately sometimes that person is their own parent.
I spent the rest of that day rumination on what happend and it made me reflect on how extremely fortunate I am to have grown up in a family where I was never shamed or made to feel guilty about myself or my choices.
From being supported to play sports to being allowed to wear those sports clothes even when I’m not playing. I will wear a dress though or “non-athletic” wear on occasion – by choice – but my mom usually has to help me pick out those clothes, I know my weaknesses!
If tomorrow, though, I decided I’d only wear suits or “masculine” clothing from now on, I know my mom and big brother would help me pick them out and my dad would teach me how to tie my bow tie (though I wouldn’t mind learning to do that either way, good skill to have!)
The same goes for the “bigger” things – the things most often talked about. But important to note, it’s by supporting the “little” ways that a child expresses themselves and the choice of words used in your everyday that allow the “big” things not to seem so imposing.
I never had to worry about how I label my sexuality – and this was well before I even had any real ideas about my own. The conversations around different sexualities was just an ordinary thing. You could be straight, gay, bi, asexual, queer, or whatever. The same as you could like hockey, football, soccer, or whatever.
And the same goes with mental illness – I’m extremely grateful to have grown up in a family that recognizes that mental illnesses are real. It allowed me to recognize the symptoms when they started and to access the help I needed. I’m able to speak openly about my mental illnesses and have my family standing right there beside me.
I’m not saying this mother doesn’t love her son. Maybe she’s scared of him being bullied for being “different,” or maybe she really is just an intolerant person.
Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter, I just hope that boy has someone in his corner letting him know he did nothing wrong and that he should be proud of who he is and however he chooses to express himself.