I’ve been thinking about what to say for Eating Disorder Awareness Week. There’s just so much that has happened and so much people need to know!
Eating disorders don’t discriminate based on age, gender, ethnicity, money, success, etc. EDs are not a choice and those suffering need help. There is a stigma attached to mental illness and eating disorders that prevents people from reaching out for help. By talking about it you help show them you care, support them in their struggle and let them know that they’re not alone.
Most of the people who know me were surprised to hear that I had an eating disorder. They just saw a student-athlete or a friend or a teammate or a family member. How could they have known? EDs feed off of secrecy and they make us very good at hiding the signs. If someone opens up to you or you start to see warning signs, don’t dismiss it because “there’s no way they have an ED.” Anyone can suffer from this horrible and deadly disorder.
Thirteen weeks ago I walked into Toronto General Hospital for my first day of treatment in the Eating Disorders Day Hospital. I had no way of knowing what to expect and I just hoped it would be enough to fight the ED I had been struggling with in some way for six years. I hoped treatment would give me the best shot at reaching my goals athletically and academically by finally being healthy.
The girls I shared the first two weeks with were so welcoming from the very beginning and it was so inspiring to see those at the end of their stay be so successful. I was in a good place and ready for my second weekend on my own when I had my car accident.
I was in hospital for eleven days and with the help of the staff, group members, and my family I was able to stay on meal plan throughout. It also allowed me to return to program only five days after being discharged from Sunnybrook.
The group was quite different when I returned, but between the old and new members it was just as amazing. Those girls helped me continue the work, get through my first holiday season in recovery, and helped me prepare for my discharge and return to real life.
It wasn’t until my last checkout and I was reviewing my stay that I realized one of the biggest things. I had gone through some of my worse injuries yet without letting the eating disorder take over at all. Having had those first two weeks of treatment under my belt really allowed me to focus on healing and connecting with family and friends after the accident. Normally my mood would drop and I would be using my ED to cope with the emotional side of the injuries. Fingers crossed I don’t have to deal with any more injuries, would be nice to actually play field hockey, but now I know I can deal with them without the ED.
There’s still LOTS of work to be done and it’s still early days, but I’m confident in my ability to continue on this path of recovery. After spending my entire day in the hospital every weekday, I had gotten comfortable there and it was weird to be leaving. I knew that I had gotten all I could out of program and if I stayed any longer I would just be delaying my return to life. I still have Relapse Prevention Therapy at TGH until April to help make sure the work put in during the ten weeks wasn’t for nothing.
I’m so thankful for the opportunity I had to attend the Day Hospital Program. I tried to recover on my own but it was too hard. I don’t know how bad things would have gotten or where I’d be, but I do know how good things can be in recovery. I don’t know how I can properly thank the staff and the amazing people who shared a part of their recovery journey with me the last thirteen weeks. The best way I can think of is to make sure I never have to re-enter Day Hospital again!
Of course, thank you to my family, friends, teammates and Amy for your continued support through this all! Hopefully this year can be a little less eventful, but just as successful!